One Year Anniversary...

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."

Today is my one year anniversary since my first knee surgery. After 4 surgeries. 2 Staph infections, kidney failure, blood clots in my lungs, portable IV for six months, wound vac for 5 months, and many tears, I am finally on my way to healing. I am able to walk good, using the treadmill often, I can shower and dress myself too! I was in a Wheel chair for months as well. I am so happy to be enjoying my life again. Yes, I still have limitations but I am healing, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I thank all of those who were there to help me during this whole process, I really could not have done it without you. I appreciate the fact I can now look back and laugh at times that I could only cry.

I can now say, that there was a time in December that I honestly was not certain I was going to survive. I was very sick and very tired. If it were not for my friends, family, and loved ones, I am not sure what my outcome could have been.

I am not into blaming anyone for what happened and the results from after surgery. I am focused on healing and moving on. I survived more than I ever thought I could. I learned a lot about myself and my inner strength.

I am so happy now, although I am not fully healed, I am on my way to normal again. I am thankful for that and am looking forward to my continued healing.

Thanksgiving...

And so we give thanks...
I have been looking forward to this day for weeks, as it is one of my favorite holidays. I spent last weekend with my kids and we celebrated early. We cooked a turkey, potatoes, gravy, etc the whole works. It was so nice to have my kids under one roof enjoying their laughs, their stories, and their company. I had a wonderful time and was very thankful for the time we had. Although no one really talked about it there was one thing on everyone’s mind, that tinge of excitement in the air, but be happy and celebrate... Do we dare?

The week continued, I drove home, Tony went back to Portland and back to work, Veronica and Seth returned to their normal schedule. Monday came and went, lots of questions with no answers. Tuesday, preparing to have Thanksgiving with great friends, baked, prepared, drank wine, felt anticipation beginning to boil. Wednesday... Very quiet all day, anticipation ... What was I so excited for? Was it for Thursdays feast with friends, or was it something else... Something so much more important to me.

Finally the answer came, Good news! What a feeling, so much love felt for the unknown.

Today was Thanksgiving; I have so much to be thankful for. As I busily scurried around the house preparing for the day, my mind was on only one thing.

I made a little gift for our hostess today as well as some table center pieces, I think they turned out pretty well, however note to self "hot glue is hot." Went to my friends for the festivities, so many people so much food. Lots of stories going on between everyone, I felt as though I was in a foreign location, although of course everyone was speaking English, I could not make out any conversation as there was so many. Loud laughs, yelling at TV (football of course) I realized although I love my time with my friends, I really enjoy my quiet home to myself. Finally it was time to eat. Where to begin with all of this food, filled my plate beyond the needed level and quickly gobbled it up as though I had not eaten for days. It was all very good, but wow, my stomach did not deal well with the sudden flood of overeating. Passed up dessert, and kindly thanked my hostess for her welcoming me into her home on this special day.

I am home now and quietly reflecting on the past few days, and dreaming about what will be coming in the future. Life is full of blessings daily. It is so important to remember to stop and take the time to enjoy what is going on around you and look for the good in all things even when sometimes it is hard to see the good. I am feeling truly blessed and am looking forward to the future.

Dedication...

"I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday."

Although I have been fairly consistent with my commitment to walking everyday on the treadmill, I will admit I have missed some days in the past. My commitment to myself was for the month of November I will walk everyday and give it my all each time. Although today is only the 5th. I have been doing very well. I notice that my energy level is increasing daily, my knee is feeling pretty good and my scale is throwing numbers at me that I am happy about. I know it is early and I have a lot of work to do, but every step is one step closer. I will keep you updated :)

I have been thinking about what I can do to "give back" this holiday season. I have come up with a fairly simple idea and I will blog about it once I begin. I am calling it "The 12 Days of Christmas" Pretty original huh?

We are moving into my favorite time of year. I am thankful that I am healthy enough to be able to spend time with my children, friends, family, and loved ones. I am looking forward to start decorating, baking, cooking, visiting, etc. I do not have any real traditions for the season.. Who knows, perhaps this will be the year to start one...

Determination

Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough!!

It has been a month and a half since I moved out on my own. I would definitely say there are pros and cons. I love having my own space, my own thoughts, and the ability to relax and enjoy my quiet time. I am a very independent person and enjoy my self much more. On the other side, I do on occasion get lonely. I look forward to visiting with others, and I appreciate the help I am still getting when it is needed. We will see what the future holds.

I have dove into my photography and am really enjoying it. The word is getting out and I have a few clients now! I am looking forward to seeing where this new adventure in my life takes me.

I have settled into my new home, and although I am not a big Halloween fan I did decorate the home this year. We also carved our pumpkins, and Lyle handed out candy for me. I do not like costumes and especially masks. I am glad he was here to help me.

I received some fantastic news in October and I am so excited to watch this news blossom into a reality.

November is a month of Thanks. I am very thankful for so much in my life. I am not sure there are enough days in the month for me to mention them all, but I am surely going to try. I am looking forward to spending time with good friends and family. Sharing stories and thoughts, laughs and ideas.

No Beans Allowed

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. ~Buddy Hackett

Today I made my first batch of Chili... It was ok, I seriously hate beans so they were not included in my recipe. It smelled good, looked great, but tasted kind of like burrito meat from Taco Bell. I guess it might taste better wrapped up in a tortilla. To add some flavor I added some cheese and sourcream to my bowl and ate it with tortilla chips. It basically tasted like a taco salad without the lettuce.. ugh. Now I have a whole pot of this stuff that I am not too wild about. I think next time I want to make something new, I will think twice.

Goodbye Summer

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I'll miss you
Until we meet again!



Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn. The summer is ending too soon, however I will say that I do love the smell and colors of Fall. My leg is finally healing, and I am getting around a lot better. I started taking my interests in photography to a new level and am excited to see where it leads me. I have made a decision in my life to move back into town on my own. Although I sincerely appreciate all the help I have received in the past several months with my leg surgeries, I feel that I am at a point in my life that I must again learn to do things on my own and find the independency that I once was so proud of. I have moved my animals with me, Mo and Sammi are adjusting well. Bella is doing well also, however she does divide her time between being in town with me and out in the country with Lyle. I had the opportunity to take a couple camping trips this summer and a few trips to the coast, although I wish I could have done more, I am grateful that I was healthy enough to finally get out and experience the activities that I enjoy once again. I am looking forward to my new adventures coming this Fall and Winter, and am excited to visit future pumpkin patches, holiday bazaars, winter festivals, Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends as well as Christmas time with those close to me.

Been Gone Too Long

We only part to meet again.

Wow... It has been almost 6 months since my last blog. I really think it is time to begin again. Blogging makes me feel good, and helps release stress in my life. There has been so much going on this year, however I do not feel I could properly catch up on the past, therefor I will begin today going forward.

Please return to my blog often as I will be updating it.

Over the Hill



We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.

I turned 40 on Saturday. I don't feel much different except for I now qualify for the life insurance that I keep seeing on the commercials. The day began fairly simple, homemade biscuits and gravy for dinner, and then I basically lounged for much of the day. Feeling perfectly content in my jammies and cuddled with my blanket, I was interrupted in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I did not really want to go, as I was content in my spot, but figured it would do my "old" bones some good to get out. After receiving the usual phone calls from loved ones wishing me a good day, I expected to go to dinner then come home back to my jammies and TV. Feeling rushed I finally got ready to go (keep in mind I am still with a walker and/or cane so nothing happens too quickly). We went to the usual place for dinner Mazatlan, I wanted to change the venue as I was not feeling Mexican that evening, but I was told that Lyle's parents were already there waiting to have dinner with us. Walking in I was told that we have a table in the back, of course we do, me and my cane would just love to hobble to the back of the restaurant. When I finally got there I was pleasantly surprised to see most my friends all there for a surprise party! It was great seeing everyone, but I think I was happiest to see my special friend "Robert" there to celebrate my birthday with me. Now I am not the type of person who likes attention drawn to me at all, but it was very nice to see everyone, and therefore I figured for one night I could let me guard down a bit. Although it was slightly uncomfortable it was worth it. I had a great dinner with my friends, and of course I had the privilege to wear the sombrero and everyone sang Happy Birthday to Panchita. After dinner we moved the party to Timbers (a local drinking hole) for more drinks and fun. While the ladies played pool and drank their share (and mine) of alcohol, the men sat around the table drinking beer, people watching and making fun of those who deserved it. I quietly sat and drank water the whole evening. I did not want to drink, and thought it may be best anyways since I am on medication and can barely walk as it is. I had a good time watching everyone and spending time with them. Although it is not nearly as fun being around those who are drinking when you are not drinking as well. As 10:00 rolled around I was more than ready to go home, stiff and sore from sitting, I wanted to get back in my jammies and enjoy the final hours of my birthday in my comfy spot. Thank you to all who participated in my birthday I had a great time!

17 Years...

"A Thousand Words Can't Bring You Back,
I Know Because I Tried
And Neither Can a Million Tears
I Know Because I Cried."

Yesterday was the 17-year anniversary for the date that my youngest daughter died. I have such mixed feelings. It is hard to explain. I woke up yesterday knowing it was March 2nd and feeling like there was something I was forgetting but for the life of me could not remember what it was. With so many doctor appointments and issues with my health, I have been overwhelmed with what is going on in the real world. So while having lunch I went on Facebook on my phone and came across a post that my older daughter had posted about it being the anniversary of the death of her sister... I was immediately upset. First because of the memories it suddenly brought back but more so because I have been so busy in my own issues that I had forgotten what the day was and what it meant to me. I was only reminded by reading it online by my daughter. I felt suddenly like a horrible mother, how could I go on with my daily life like nothing was going on, on such an important day in my life. I immediately went out to the cemetery flowers in hand to visit. While there I almost felt like I had to apologize to her that I forgot about her. It was a horrible feeling. After reflecting last night about my day I have come to the conclusion, that although I will never forget and I have my dark times still, maybe the fact that I allowed myself to live my normal life yesterday without immediately remembering Rosanna is a sign that I am healing finally after 17 years. I am sure that I would have remembered... eventually as the day progressed, however I wish I would have remembered on my own rather than through the internet. It makes me feel good however to know that my baby angel made an impact in my surviving children’s lives and that she will forever be in their hearts as well. I know my baby girl is watching over me daily and even though my heart breaks she is always with me. Rest in Peace my sweet Angel.

87 Days... and counting

Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience… 



Today is the 87th day since my first surgery. I still have my wound vac on, and although I feel it is getting better, it has been an extremely slow process. As I was thinking I was going on the right track, my doctor has again made the decision to put me back on IV antibiotics starting today. I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. So frustrating. This decision was made as my blood work is still showing infection in my system. This whole thing has really taken a lot out of me. A surgery that was suppose to be fairly simple and about 6 weeks recovery is now at 12 and 1/2 weeks and counting. I will probably have the wound vac for another month (my goal to have it off by my birthday has diminished). Then I will be able to start physical therapy which will be another few months. I have a lot of work ahead of me as since the wound has not closed I have not been able to do any therapy. I have very little range of motion in my knee and it is going to take some time to get that back. I find myself in very dark stages and these stages come more as time goes on, although I try my hardest to smile on the outside, inside my spirit is slowly fading. I hope that this whole ordeal ends soon and I can get back to my normal life. Right now that seems so far out of the realm of possibilities.

Long day...

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.



The longer I sit here unable to walk, the slower the days seem to drag by. Today I sat here most of the day watching Sammi sleep on the bed beside me. I did get up and walk around some, found some food, exercised my leg. I received my new Pampered Chef Consultant kit today, but it is so heavy and bulky I can not really do much with it, one because there is no room in here and two because I just don't yet have the strength. I did decide to schedule a Scentsy launch party, as I feel I am struggling getting people interested in having a party for Scentsy or Pampered Chef. So I am excited about that. If you are reading this post you are welcome to come to my launch party on March 5th and Madeline's Grill in Redmond, Or visit my website http://vickigamboa.scentsy.us/ I learned tonight my daughter and son-in-law will be over this weekend for a longer time than I thought so that makes me really happy, I can not wait to spend time with my little girl. I miss her so much. She can help me organize my Scentsy and give me some ideas, and I can share my Pampered Chef with her. I think she might be bringing her dogs too, so Bella will have someone to play with. She has been so lonely since the neighbor dog has been gone on vacation. I have sat here for 2 and 1/2 months depressed at times, lonely at times, angry and times, but I am so happy right now anticipating the visit from my daughter. I can hardly wait.

My Dog...A Heartbeat at My Feet

Dogs are miracles with paws



Sammi my little Dachshund has been with me for almost 8 years. She has been with me through the good times and the bad. Sammi has been with me in the lowest and darkest times of my life when no one else was there. One of the great things I love about Sammi is that she has always been able to read me so well. If I am sad, she cuddles, If I am happy she celebrates, If I am mad she stays away. She always knows when I just need a cuddle, and there is no other that I would rather cuddle with. About a week before my first surgery in December I noticed that Sammi was hurting, and not moving well, as the days passed by she slowly lost the ability to use her back legs. It broke my heart watching her dragging herself across the floor. I took her to the vet hoping for the best, but discovered the worst. For an unknown reason, Sammi was permanently paralyzed. My heart was broken and while dealing with my own health issues I continued to care for her the best I could. Ignoring the comments from those who do not understand the love between a dog and her owner, (those who thought I should have her put to sleep) I looked into getting her a wheel chair. I had heard about dog chairs before, but did not know much about them or how they worked. I found a great gentleman in Prineville who makes customized wheel chairs for dogs. A week after she was paralyzed, Sammi was in her new wheel chair and learning to adjust. She now uses it when she plays outside, but has become very well at scooting around the house and she even occasionally gets up on her back legs and moves them, I am praying that the therapy with the wheel chair is helping her get the use of her back legs again, however not getting my hopes up as to not be disappointed. Three weeks ago, it was brought to my attention that Sammi was not responding well to sight, as I continued to watch her and do my own tests, I have determined that she is now at least partially blind. I have not had the opportunity to take her to the vet to look at options as my own health has not yet allowed that. What I do know, is that Sammi is very happy, she hears my voice and gets excited, she runs and barks in her wheel chair, and she still snuggles with me when she knows I need to be snuggled. Unless you have truly experienced the love of a dog and what they can bring into your life, you will not understand the great hurdles and sacrifices a person will go through to keep their pet safe and happy. Don't judge me for making the decisions that I have made by keeping Sammi alive and enjoying her companionship, no one but me and her will understand our relationship the decisions I make. Sammi is very happy, loves to play, loves to cuddle and loves to go bye bye. Until the Lord decides it is time for her to go I will continue to do whatever it takes to keep her happy and comfortable.

Healing of the Body and the Mind

The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind.  ~G.K. Chesterton

On December 1st, I had what was to be a semi common knee surgery. Although I expected some pain and about 6 weeks total for healing, I felt that the surgery was needed as my knee cap was not aligned properly, therefor hurting when I walked. Two days after my surgery I was diagnosed with a Pulmonary Embolism, my heart dropped as I was so scared to think I had blood clots in my lungs. I was put on several different medications and sent home with pain medicine, blood clot medicine, and oxygen. Though the healing process was slow, my lungs began to heal, however my knee would would not close up. The day after Christmas, after a night of headaches, extreme chills, and sweats, I called my doctor concerned about a possible infection. I met him at the Emergency room for him to just look at it. I was immediately admitted into the hospital and scheduled for emergency surgery that night for a staph infection that had set into my knee. Waking up from this surgery, I could feel the depression setting in, knowing that this additional surgery was going to set my healing process back a few more weeks. After one night in the hospital and a load of antibiotics poured into me to kill the infection, it was discovered that I was allergic to the antibiotic and was now in acute Kidney failure. Again my heart dropped and depression grew stronger. I remained in the hospital for 2 more days and was then sent home with PIC line and daily IV antibiotics to heal my knee wound as well as medication for my kidneys, which are now back to normal function. On January 7th, after a routine visit to the orthopedic, I was again told I needed immediate surgery on my knee again as the wound was not closing and was susceptible to more infection. It was decided that the best way to close the wound which was approximately 4 inches long, 2 inches deep, and 2 inches across was to use a wound vac. I went into surgery that evening to have the wound flushed again and the vac placed. Since this surgery it has been a very slow recovery. My wound vac gets changed 3 times per week which is very painful, however the wound itself is now approximately 2 and 1/2 inches long, 1/2 inch deep, and 1 inch wide. I have been in constant pain and unable to perform the daily basics that most people take for granted, alone. For a what was suppose to be a small surgery and 6 week recovery I am now at 3 surgeries, blood clots, kidney failure, staff infection, and 11 weeks out in recovery with at least 4 more weeks of the wound vac which is connected to me 24/7 and has to go wherever I go. My IV antibiotic will end this week, however they will continue to keep the PIC port in for the weekly blood draws as I go onto an oral antibiotic. I have continued to slowly go into a deeper state of depression as can be imagined with the set backs that I have had. The silver lining is that the wound is getting smaller, I am coming off of the IV and I have been able to learn to maneuver a walker to get around rather than just the wheelchair. I want to thank all of my friends and family who have been there to support me during this whole ordeal and who will continue to help and support as this journey continues. I know I am not the easiest person to deal with in normal circumstances, let alone with the detours that I have had to take with this injury. I will try to keep you posted up to date as I continue to heal and I appreciate the continued prayers for my healing.

Am I over doing it? I don't think so...

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices:  take it or leave it.  ~Buddy Hackett



As written before I became a Scentsy consultant, well I am now officially a Pampered Chef consultant as well. I normally would not put myself into this position, but I am selling two products that I truly love and and believe in. Being in the kitchen is a favorite past time of mine, and I feel that Pampered Chef products are the only way to go. My plan is that if I am able to be successful in these two businesses, I will then not have to wait for a top paying job to make a living and can go in a more entry level position and still be able to survive. I am excited to begin this journey and put myself out there to meet new people and become successful. Wish me luck ! And if you need anything from either company, be sure to contact me!

Scentsy Consultant!

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

I did not realize how long it has been since I have blogged. So much has been going on. I will try to update this week nightly. Today I decided to become a Scentsy consultant. Scentsy is basically a variety of wickless candles. A safe alternative to hot candles which if left alone can cause fire damage. There are hundreds of varieties of aromas to choose from and warmers of all sizes to fulfill anyones needs. I have chosen to be a consultant and start selling this product for a few reasons. One is I love the product and all the different options available. Becoming a consultant was a non expensive way to start a company and hopefully earn a little money.  I have been unable to do much over the past couple months because of my knee issues (different post) and felt it was time for me to get my mind focused on something productive. I will become a Pampered Chef Hostess in a week or two as well, so if you are in need of anything for your home or gifts for a friend or loved one, contact me! This adventure is really outside of my comfort box however still looking forward to becoming successful with both businesses and meeting new people. Please visit my web site or contact me with any questions or needs!

https://vickigamboa.scentsy.us/Home