17 Years...

"A Thousand Words Can't Bring You Back,
I Know Because I Tried
And Neither Can a Million Tears
I Know Because I Cried."

Yesterday was the 17-year anniversary for the date that my youngest daughter died. I have such mixed feelings. It is hard to explain. I woke up yesterday knowing it was March 2nd and feeling like there was something I was forgetting but for the life of me could not remember what it was. With so many doctor appointments and issues with my health, I have been overwhelmed with what is going on in the real world. So while having lunch I went on Facebook on my phone and came across a post that my older daughter had posted about it being the anniversary of the death of her sister... I was immediately upset. First because of the memories it suddenly brought back but more so because I have been so busy in my own issues that I had forgotten what the day was and what it meant to me. I was only reminded by reading it online by my daughter. I felt suddenly like a horrible mother, how could I go on with my daily life like nothing was going on, on such an important day in my life. I immediately went out to the cemetery flowers in hand to visit. While there I almost felt like I had to apologize to her that I forgot about her. It was a horrible feeling. After reflecting last night about my day I have come to the conclusion, that although I will never forget and I have my dark times still, maybe the fact that I allowed myself to live my normal life yesterday without immediately remembering Rosanna is a sign that I am healing finally after 17 years. I am sure that I would have remembered... eventually as the day progressed, however I wish I would have remembered on my own rather than through the internet. It makes me feel good however to know that my baby angel made an impact in my surviving children’s lives and that she will forever be in their hearts as well. I know my baby girl is watching over me daily and even though my heart breaks she is always with me. Rest in Peace my sweet Angel.